Advice from the Archangel
by PRGedney
Summary: One-Shot: Ichika needs some help with realizing the opportunities for romance he has, so who does the TimeMaster, Seth Äaron send? None other than the most dysfunctional Protector of the Multiverse, the Archangel Padriac, that's who! What will happen now!


Orimura Ichika was sitting alone in his dorm. Charlotte was out with Laura, shopping for new clothes; Houki was away for the weekend, visiting an old kendo buddy of hers and Rin and Cecilia were off doing their own thing of which they made doubly sure Ichika didn't know about. As far as Ichika was concerned, they were off on a trip.

He sighed. It was a rarity, this kind of slow day. Not that he was complaining. It was a refreshing break from all the chaos that his life usually had on a daily basis.

As he sipped his barley tea, he spit it out as a grey light filled the room. When it dissipated, there was a young man with short brown hair and blue-hazel eyes standing there, looking annoyed. Wearing a pair of baggy blue jeans with sneakers, a black graphic t-shirt and a grey trenchcoat with a hood, he looked up at the ceiling and yelled, "I TOTALLY didn't agree to this, Seth! Seriously!" He groaned as he looked at Ichika with a tired look in his eyes.

"Uh…" he said, eyes wide with disbelief. Who WAS this guy? That was the question he was asking himself as the dude sat cross-legged in mid-air, tossing a knife with his left hand and leaning his head on his right. "Who are you?"

"The Archangel Padriac," the guy replied with a hint of boredom in his tone. "You can call me by my real name, though, which is Patrick, or Pat. So," he added before Ichika could speak again, "what's with you, dude?"

"What?" Confusion was apparent in Ichika's form. "What do you mean?"

Patrick laughed at that. "Wooow," he said, still laughing, "You really ARE a dumbass, aren't you?" He finished his laughing fit and then said, "You know those chikas you're friends with wanna bone you, right?"

"Eh?!" exclaimed Ichika, surprised.

"Oh, COME ON," cried out Patrick, face-palming himself with his free hand. "You HONESTLY never noticed? All those hints and cues they were giving you? How they acted and reacted around you? Seriously? You NEVER even suspected that they wanted to be MORE than just friends?"

"H-how do you know about all this?!" yelled Ichika, peeved. "Explain!"

_Dammit,_ cursed Patrick in his thoughts, grimacing. _I can't tell him anything about the Multiverse yet; this Universe isn't ready to know about it at all. I gotta think up of something quick._ He sighed and replied with, "Let's just say it's part of my job to know these things. Now then." He landed back on the floor and walked up to him. "Which one are you most interested in?"

"Huh?"

"Out of all the girls you're friends with, which out of the 5 are you willing to go out on a date with?" Patrick looked at Ichika intently; his gaze made Ichika feel awkward. How the hell was he supposed to answer something like that?

He thought about it, though. _Well, Houki has been my friend since childhood,_ he thought as Patrick continued to toss and catch his knife absent-mindedly, _and I did try to kiss her; I don't think that qualifies as a good reason to go out with her, though._

_Char has been my roommate and we've had some good fun together. Still… I wouldn't feel comfortable suddenly going out with her. _

_And there's Rinn. She's been my friend since middle school, of course, but she's a little too erratic for me._

_Cecilia is nice and kind, but she's extremely pushy and always wants to get her way. I don't think that I would have a healthy relationship with her._

_Laura and I seem to have a lot in common. I don't know if I start going out with her how she might respond to being in a relationship. She's already been naked in my bed; God knows what she might try to pull if we're together._

_And of course,_ he added, his face full of worry,_ There's the whole risk of incurring the wrath of the others if I do go out with one. Ahh! Why is this so hard?!_ He said as much to Patrick, who sighed tiredly.

"That's the whole thing, isn't it?" Patrick explained sagely, sitting on a nearby chair and sheathing his knife, which disappeared in a small blaze of energy. "You have so many choices, it seems no matter which one you choose, you'll be screwed over anyway. You have your own Harem, for gods' sake, and you haven't even realized it at all. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Ichika shook his head; he honestly had no idea where this conversation was heading.

"If you can't have one…" He paused for dramatic effect, then grinned. "Take them all!" he finished proudly.

"WHAT?!" exclaimed Ichika loudly, resulting in a powerful backhanded smack by Patrick. "Shh!" he hissed as Ichika rubbed the back of his head. "Do you WANT to blow my cover? Listen." He sat back down and pulled out a bottle of soda out of his trenchcoat. "Obviously, all these girls are gunning for you; this is not the best situation for a guy like you to be in. However," he added, eyebrow raised, "that doesn't mean you can't take advantage of this situation you're in." He chugged some soda and burped loudly, then explained, "These girls may be gunning for you, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't want to work together to make you happy. I'm sure with the right convincing (Which, given as how they're so in love with you (Something in which the explanation of this phenomena has eluded me for so long) it shouldn't be too hard) they'll happily agree to it. You need to be convincing and persuasive, THAT'S the key."

Ichika couldn't help but agree with the man. He was making so much sense it was almost scary. He shook his head from all the images that were flying through his mind and said, "I don't know…"

Patrick smiled kindly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to do it. Just give it some thought. I DO know about these things, after all." Lifting his hand, he turned around and made a portal in front of them.

Ichika jumped back, astounded by what he was seeing. Patrick turned his head to the side and Ichika saw his eyes as neon grey instead of their original color. "Hey, Patrick-san," began Ichika, but Patrick smirked and interrupted him by replying, "Don't worry, Ichika. We'll be seeing each other again soon enough. Peace out, brotha." With that, he closed his hand tightly and the room flashed brightly.

When Ichika regained his eyesight after a couple moments, the room was empty. He sighed.

He had a lot to think about now. So much for a relaxing day.

Thanks so much! This might lead into a fanfiction later on! Pace a Voi!

~ P. R. Gedney


End file.
